My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
