You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
