I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
