I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
