she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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