Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
is it fun? or sober?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
