Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
