About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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