I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
