how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
