Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
