I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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