I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize