she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
