it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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