sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
