I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
