Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
