grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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