there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize