masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
