Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
