Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
