College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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