You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
