And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
