imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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