so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
