Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
