I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
