there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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