How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
