Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize