Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
