No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
