Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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