but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
zippers are such a cool invention
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
