Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
