omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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