If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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