I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
