I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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