i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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