Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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