Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
