Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
