My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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