I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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