wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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