KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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