Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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