Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
