so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
