Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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