The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize