Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
