I'm so fucking centered right now
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
