i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
