we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize