you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
