Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
