Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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