I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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