So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
