I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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