My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
