last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I met the friendliest cop last night
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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