I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
