3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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