yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
