before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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