the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
