Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
