I wanna passion pit in your ass
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
