Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
