Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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