I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
